Social media distorts reality and manipulates us into performing for its own benefit. How do we return to (or create) an internet that reflects the best of humanity?
For a while now, I’ve felt like I’ve been in a toxic relationship with my social media feeds. Enter Algorithm Gaslighting. Sure, it may feed me dopamine and content I’m willing to engage with, but does it ever actually improve my life? I’m old enough to compare my doom scrolling with what I used to watch on cable (HGTV, Animal Planet, Discovery, Comedy Central, etc.)… I miss cable. How were we supposed to know that cord cutting would be a mistake like fighting a Hydra–cut one head off, and two more appear?
And it’s intentionally designed to be this way! We used to become couch potatoes… now… we’re brain rotting potatoes! Every day on social media, I see creators asking for help because their content isn’t reaching people: shadow banning. When content creators share their lived experience, social media companies claim they don’t shadow ban accounts: that’s gaslighting. Social media companies don’t allow us to know exactly how the algorithm works, and they can make us second-guess our reality by denying that the system is doing what it’s doing. Researchers call this ‘Black Box Gaslighting’ (Cotter, 2023).
This isn’t just an influencer issue. There are actually people out there taking this seriously and collecting evidence to enlighten the world about these manipulative tactics and our need for more transparency across social media:
“Our dataset draws from seemingly disparate groups who share moderation experiences: Jewish creators engaged in combating antisemitism, Palestinian creators advocating for human rights and sex-positive creators, whose expertise and stories are dismissed and belittled by platforms.” (Divon et al., 2025)
We are incentivized by our human egos and the hope of financial gain to post only content that gains likes by leveraging surprise, anger, or fear. These emotions attract engagement far better than joy or curiosity, but aren’t those the emotions we most desire? If we are what we think, then what we feed our minds creates our reality. It’s easy to see why we feel so lost and alone even in a room full of people or an overcrowded city. I’ll admit it’s hard for me to make eye contact or small talk when I’m out in public.
Likes do not equal worth. Views do not make truth. A social media algorithm will not lead us to real connection. Only our natural gifts of community can develop authentic exchanges. If you’ve ever made a true friend online, I’d bet anything it wasn’t forced upon you like featured content begging for engagement.
Not only does social media fail us by bringing out our worst, but it alienates us and draws our enemies to our comment sections to ridicule us. So we hide and redirect from the most vulnerable parts of our identity. Shamefully afraid to be who we are. So much so that content creators who do put their unedited photos front and center are seen as niche content. How can the unfiltered versions of our human bodies be considered niche?
niche – adjective
denoting products, services, or interests that appeal to a small, specialized section of the population.
Why!! Back in the OLD DAYS, we hand coded our blogs in HTML, CSS, and PHP. Some of my online friends had free resources that other bloggers could use to design their website in a subscription free (probably pirated) version of Adobe Photoshop 5. Can you hear my age in my voice?
Niche didn’t exist because everyone was unique. It was expected that every website would look different. These days, we try to be as similar as possible with some kind of twist that makes us stand out, but not too much. Niche was Normal.
The phone in your hand is designed like a casino; make it as easy as possible to keep playing and win just enough so you don’t give up (variable reward schedules) and hide the clocks so you don’t realize how long you’ve been zombified. The unpredictability creates addiction. Research shows this isn’t a failure of willpower: it’s intentional manipulation of neurochemistry for profit (Bekalu et al., 2023).
When it comes to social media, less is not more. It’s just less.
Myself, I’ve taken multiple breaks from Facebook and stuck to YouTube to gain some sense of control over my digital time. Many of my friends have gone on hiatus. Have you ever tried it? Were you much changed when you returned? You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. This is a systemic issue, and our current culture makes it nearly impossible to live without a smart phone at all times.
I don’t know what the answer is, but I’ve created this blog to regain something that was taken from me 20 years ago. I hope to attract like-minded people, form blog rings, check in on one another and leave thoughtful comments on blogs that are written without hashtags or aligning to a personal brand. Life is messy, and I want to see it spilled out in medium-long form content again.
Bookmark this Blog if you want to return and see what I’ve been up to. In the future, there will be an old-school forum and some blog rings to join. We can build an internet that reflects our best impulses. The tools do exist, and I’m not the first to seek a better internet. I will find them, and they will find me. We will do this together. Learning something new every day.
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